Friday, June 22, 2007

proof that the EU is inferior to the US

Nice flag, losers.
Of course, this is technically only an economic report. But we Americans know that it is precisely our stellar economy that is the basis for our extravagant lifestyle, which is of course the envy of those all over the world-- Europeans more than anyone else! Here's the irrefutable evidence:
  • We develop car-based lifestyles structured around highways, the mall, and the cookiecutter suburb, and what does Europe do? Copy it.
  • Our dollar kicks butt on the world markets. Europe's response? A Euro-dollar of their own, defensively named the "euro".
  • We become the paragon of conspicuous consumption and the liesure-based lifestyle; Europe is hot on our coattails (but demographically they´re not in it to win it).
  • Our absurd wealth, weakness for indulgence in rich foods, plus advanced transportation technology leads to an obesity problem-- which Europe is finally experiencing as well. (Eat it, fatties!)
  • Finally, and most obviously, we develop the most successful federal union of states in the history of the universe, and what does fractured, war-torn Europe do? Why, they come up with the US of Europe, known officially as the EU. Nice one, guys!
En fin, Europe's pursuit of American economic levels is just a cover for their greater pursuit of our lifestyle. This explains their contradictory obsession with our popular culture and aggressive, insecure, self-righteous criticism of our cultural 'shortcomings'.
Give it up, Europe! All this work and you're still 20 years behind us!
(And let´s not even talk about military strength!)

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